Monday, 30 April 2007

If ITV made football competitions, they'd be the worst football competitions in the world

This is good. The weather is good, my skin is behaving itself at the moment too. Yet i feel compelled to write about something that really gets my goat.

... The football commentators on ITV1. An eclectic collection of football 'geniuses' including David Pleat, John Champion and Jim fucking Beglin.
Beglin is the worst, drawling on in his feckhead Irish accent about absolute arseshite. (NB i do like the Irish accent, he has just ruined it for me momentarily). I have counted contradictions within his commentary over a 30 minute period and counted 17 contradictions. The man is not a football genius, he is a genius at contradiction.

Then there is Pleat, with his inability to see which player has the ball i.e. during the recent Man Utd European tie, he confused John O'Shea with Cristiano Ronaldo. Its a hard thing to do as one is a shitty haired, radioacitvely orange looking Portugese bloke and the other is a pasty, tatie faced Irish bloke. (I don't have anything against the Irish, they just happen to figure here alot.) One runs with the ball and has skills, some beyond comprehension, the other is barely able to nutmeg a giraffe. Pleat is turning into John Motson, with his bizarre and ill-timed memory lapses, but at least Motson has some sort of idiotic charm to back him up. Pleat just has a face like a owl chewing a wasp covered in lemons.

On the brightside at least they haven't got the immense and total ineptitude of John Barnes, who seems to be commentating on some sort of match but more of an under 7s 5-a side match. His comments or 'insights' make Jade Goody seem positively intelligent. Own goal Channel 5.

Its a shame the BBC don't have Champions League rights. It would all be so much more entertaining. So well done ITV for ruining one of the best football spectacles in the world.