Wednesday, 8 July 2009

So This Is What Despair Feels Like

A maudlin title to go with an equally maudlin post. As you can see I haven't blogged in a month. Call it writer's block, call it a lack of creative juice or maybe it was due to my overwhemingly busy social life (not). Well i can tell you now it was neither of those things. It was sheer, pure, undiluted (with extra pulp), unadulterated laziness. Combine this laziness with my current apathy towards the world as a whole at the moment, you have a simmering cauldron of disinterest, dispassion and weariness.

The British way is to bemoan the state of everything, blame yourself and then talk to yourself about how crap everything is and hoew this relates to your lame being. I am British, always have been suprisingly enough, so this is my way. So excuse me while I delve into the favourite past time of everyone in this country.

I graduate tomorrow. The word that is flashing in my mind in big, hulking neon letters is 'FUCK!', in capitals and with added exclamation mark for effect. Not 'yey' (minus capitals and exclamation mark) or 'woot' or whatever new and hip phrase there is to denote excitement, optimism and glee. In my mind there is only one word and that is 'FUCK!'. When I collect my robe, don my hood and collect my parchment, I will be pained in the knowledge that this is the end. The end of my semi-adult/semi-teenage life. That now I am officially a responsible adult of sorts.

No more spending endless evenings on Guitar Hero trying to get that damn Slayer song done of the Hard setting (as much as I would love to). No more jaunting off to random pubs and places for a good hoot. No more playing Cluedo for hours on the quiz machines in pubs, trying to make the Colonel Mustard/Power Shower system work (it never does). My life can no longer be relaxed. Instead it will be overpowered by fear, indignity and constant worry.

I will have to become a thrifty old crone in order to keep my student loan at a healthy number so I won't end up sucking the credit teet of my parents or diving head first into my savings account.

I need a job but can't seem to get one for love nor money. Seven of my CVs (checked by Mr and Mrs Career Advisor) have been sent off in the past couple of weeks. Have I heard anything back? Have I balls. I am just another applicant who's earnest and arse-kissing CV has been tossed onto the back burner. As usual, and like every other graduate/unemployed bum, I will keep trucking. Applying for endless rafts of shitty, underpaid jobs in which I have no interest and only apply for out of sheer desperation.

Well don't mind me. I'll just sit here drinking Pepsi, eating my cousin's steak pies and moaning about diverse subjects such as unemployment, weather, how Walker's crisps aren't as good as they used to be and how the new series of House is a crushing disappointment compared to the previous ones.

So I shall wither as my arse cheeks entrench themselves in this seat unless something changes drastically.