A Quality Family Exchange

Scene: Myself, Uncle D, Aunt S, Andy and Gran are all sitting in the living room observing Manchester United vs Manchester City on Sky Sports 1

Uncle D: *chuckles* "That was never a free kick."
Andrew: "It was like. He tackled him from behind."
Uncle D: "Bah." *waves hand* "They just fall over at nowt these days."

Uncle D shifts in his seat while Andrew sips a drink of his warm cup of tea.

Gran: "Who's playing in this one?"
Me: "Man U and Man City. It's a Manchester derby."

Gran nods and leans back on her chair.
(The current score is 3-2 to Man Utd with five minutes of normal time to go)

Me: "Man City are going to score another one I reckon."
Andrew: "Aye. I reckon they are an all."
Aunt S: "Is Michael Owen on yet?"
Uncle D: "Aye. They've just brought him on."
Me: "For Berbatov."
Aunt S: "Ohh right."
Gran: "Doc Martin has got a lovechild you know?"
Everyone: "What?"
Gran: "It said so in the TV mag."
Everyone: "..."

Confused glances are exchanged between all parties expect Gran who keeps her observation the television.

Aunt S: (mouths in my direction) What is she talking about?
Me: *shrugs* Gran? You mean the bloke on the tele?
Gran: Yes. The TVmag says he has a child. I never liked him. He has a weird ilk.
Me: Me dad watches it.
Gran: *shakes her head* No. I don't like it.
Uncle D: What's this got to do with the football? *turning to me* What's she saying?
Me: The bloke off the tele. Martin Clunes. The Doc Martin thing is back on tonight.
Uncle D: Oh. I thought you were talking about the shoes.
Gran: What?
Uncle D: Nothing mother. Doesn't matter.

Who doesn't love a decent conversation about football being interrupted by some grandma discussing whether or not a character on tv portrayed by Martin Clunes has a secret lovechild.