Sunday 3 May 2009

5 Things That Continue To Scare Me

They always have and probably always will. Also many would say that talking about them will make it all better, I doubt it highly. But i thought i would share or as BT used to say ‘It’s Good To Talk.’ (Although they made profit out of other people talking)

But yes, anyway. Some may seem plausable, others childish and weak. They all have one thing in common, they scare the shit out of me.

1) Kurgan- No idea who he is??? No?? I didn’t think so. Well you might know if you have ever watched Highlander, the semi-awful/semi-entertaining film about them immortal blokes who chop each others heads off because “there can be only one”. I have a massive soft spot for Highlander. I first saw it when I was about 8 when I had sneaked out my room to watch the television downstairs. The sight of several freaky looking grown men swishing swords at each other and then massive cracks of lightning when one died, was strangely appealing. Then when I got older I watched it again and appreciated it’s ridiculous nature (Sean Connery as an apparently Spanish Egyptian WTF???, Christopher Lambert as a Scotsman????!!!). So yes I am sad, I like this stuff. Anyway, Kurgan is damn scary bad guy out of the first one, who has a weird voice and even weirder hair by the end of it. He is the most powerful immortal of them all and the fucking scariest looking aswell. Though I must admit, his menace is somewhat dulled when you read the credits and find out the actor portraying Kurgan is called Clancy.

kurgan2

2) Madonna’s seemingly waxed crotch- Yeah she looks pretty good for her age, i will give her some kudos for that. But seriously the woman is 50 years old (48 in this picture), pretty much the same age as my mother and if i saw my mother parading her semi waxed fangita on international television i would be totally mortified. I’m all for her looking good, i know she has to be being in the music industry and all. But come on, a bit or demure clothing would go a long long way.Three words spring to mind: Too Much Information. It’s just wrong and…..just very very wrong.

middle-age-crotch1

3) Crane Flies (Daddy Long Legs)- These beastly creatures are the bain of my autumn nights. You leave your window slightly ajar for a bit of fresh air and before you know it, you are surrounded by flapping, lanky stick looking THINGS! Gaaah! I hate them and they always fly towards your face for some inexplicable reason. So you end up waving your hands around like a madman. But if you try and grab it, their legs fall off! Fall off!! Then they continue flying. Its like on Austin Powers 2 when that woman is shot, stabbed and thrown out of a building and she still won’t die! Evil creatures! Eeevil!

4) Arachnophobia- The film that is. Now I am not an arachnophobe myself. I can handle the little spiders that tend to scurry along the bathroom floor or the ones that you find in your bath. But that film. Oh my life. I think it’s the huge pulsing ball of baby spiders in Jeff Daniels’ basement that got me the most. We don’t even have a basement yet i was still worried for days after the film whether an army of spiders would burst through my floorboards. Then there was the big old hairy queen spider which seemed to be the size of a small country (say Luxembourg for arguments sake), who scuttles and scurries towards Jeff Daniels, ready to gobble him up. *Shudders* It’s a bloody Disney film, I really shouldn’t be frightened but I was and continue to be. Didn’t stop me buying the DVD like.

5) Dan Aykroyd and Tom Hanks attempting to ‘rap’- It is beyond painful. For some reason Tom Hanks believes that SHOUTING will make it sound better. No it doesn’t, it just makes him sound deaf. Though kudos to them for the damn funky leg shapes they are throwing.


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